There were no trust falls today but orientation still made me feel awkward. In a room full of 200 international postgraduates, there was little mingling, and even less casual conversation about the pip pipping of the daily whatnot. No, if ever there was an unapproachable group we were it, filling that auditorium with the kind of earsplitting silence usually reserved for funerals or the coffee hour after service in the most dour of Presbyterian churches.

There was much thumb twiddling from yours truly. I never know where to look in these situations. Truly, I like to watch other people being awkward. It makes me feel better knowing that they feel that way and that I feel that way too. So I sometimes gaze out into a crowd. Often someone will notice my gazing and think that I am staring at them. Our eyes make contact and both jaws drop. Then I shy away, because I don’t want that person to think I’m the kind of fellow who goes about staring at people for no apparent reason. My reaction makes my staring even creepier.

Instead of staring at the other internationals I focused on studying the University Map, which I think is written in cartoon. It bears no real resemblance to a real map; one to scale that actually has the roads as they are in real life. No, it is like somebody got a third-grader to recite a map from memory for transcription by a person who has lost his short-term memory. The map doesn’t really work, it isn’t to scale, and I keep missing whole buildings because they are numbered and I continually have to flip the bloody thing over to read the key only then to realize I have walked three hundred yards in the wrong cardinal direction. Of course the problem may not be the map.

I love international students. I am proud to be in their number. As I sat there in my dorky windbreaker from Gap Kids and my Jansport (JANSPORT!) Backpack I fit right in. We all have party hearty stamped on our foreheads. Just don’t forget your drink ticket that entitles you to ONE free drink.

The other truly eventful thing today was that I ate lunch with Lord Lister. Okay, I ate a pre-made sandwich from Marks and Spencer with the statue of Lord Lister in Kelvingrove Park. Don't know who Lord Lister is? For shame! Google him now and give thanks to the gentle quaker baron for saving your life.

Ian