Coffee, Tea, or Instant Brutality

I can’t confirm this by any type of empirical data or quirky historical anecdote - but I think Instant Coffee was created to torture Americans. I am not sure which peoples invented the substance, those granules of absolute discontent, but whoever did had to know, positively, that this stuff could only be tolerably used as a weapon. If the Germans had instant coffee at Verdun they would have had no need for poison gas.

As I am spaceless, I have to rely on a kettle for my daily few cups of necessary caffeine. Designer coffee, although whimsical, has never been my thing and it is much too expensive over here to be a part of one’s routine. When it comes to the Joe, I am as average as a slice of Dutch apple pie.

Without “crockery” of my own I am subjected to having only a borrowed cup, kettle, and a spoon. Every morning I go to my dorm kitchen, say hello to the odd fellow staring at his toast in the corner who never responds, and I turn on the kettle. Then I stand there waiting for the water to boil, wondering whether the toast eater is looking at me, or whether his toast is sufficient enough to sustain his gaze when someone else is in the room. I don’t want to get in his business but if it were me, I’d have a hard time focusing on my toast with so much “action” going on over by the tea kettle. But I digress. . .

With such meager implements and surroundings I am left to drink Instant Coffee. This nation has worn my down. I prefer my morning jolt to be from the bean and not the weed, but the weed-drinking Peoples over here have converted me out of necessity. I am now an insurgent coffee drinker forced to imbibe in the weak, paltry, cuppa tea for sustenance. Scotland 1 Wee Isherwood 0